Dear Abby: Daughter blames her affair on mom’s past

Dear Abby When my daughter Trish and her husband separated I reached out to each of them for occasional check-ins Trish left him after confessing to infidelity via email He messaged me with a copy of what she d written which included certain damning things about me that she was like me and that I am not a good person She never forgave me for traveling the line with a longtime friend decades ago My husband owned his part in the situation and we ve moved past it Apparently she has not Although Trish and her husband reconciled briefly she s moved out again and plans to divorce him I ve offered to go to counseling with her if that would help but I don t know if she knows I know what she commented about me My son-in-law apologized when he realized what that revelation must ve felt like He shouldn t have shared her email without permission but it can t be undone now My daughter is cordial but guarded when we occasionally speak She lives far away Should I tell her I know what she noted about me and hope she sees it as an opportunity to get to the bottom of issues between us Do I continue to reach out in love and compassion not knowing if she s still holding this grudge showing her that I love and forgive her regardless of our mistakes in the past Imperfect Mom in Florida Dear Mom Amid the turmoil in her marriage your daughter attempted to blame her infidelity on the example you set for her during her impressionable years Her husband may have shared what she had written in an attempt to damage her relationship with you which would be not only unkind but also manipulative I don t know what other issues you have with your daughter but I see nothing to be gained at this point by telling her you know what she revealed Bide your time Dear Abby My -year-old grandson races BMX bicycles Last year he had a traumatic brain injury and had to be medevaced to a pediatric hospital Once he recovered he went right back to racing Last week he crashed and damaged both of his kidneys He s in intensive care as I write this We don t know how long he ll be there or if he will need dialysis afterward His parents plan to drive him right back to the BMX track the minute he recovers I think they are extremely irresponsible I ve read that -year-olds aren t able to assess pitfall properly What can I do to stop this Concerned Grandma in the South Dear Concerned There is an adage that suggests if someone falls off a horse they should get right back on However when it comes to life-threatening accidents common sense tells me the circumstances should not be repeated That your grandson is now contemplating returning to racing is shocking That his parents would encourage it seems irresponsible That mentioned there is nothing you can do to prevent the boy from risking his life so start praying Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA