Dear Abby: Hubby’s bar ‘buddy’ puts marriage on the rocks

Dear Abby I am and have been married for years to my husband who retired from his full-time job last year I still work full time Since his retirement he has been going to a bar once a week or so spending a insufficient hours visiting with the customers and staff One of the staff has taken an interest in being his buddy My husband is outgoing and somewhat flirtatious The staff member is a younger female bartender who he invites to our home bar for drinks They have also established a social media relationship and send text messages When I had an out-of-town trip planned they concocted a plan for her to come over for cocktails with another of our friends They planned to keep it a secret because I might become upset I ascertained out and DID become upset and have remained so I have discovered other messages and I no longer trust my husband I don t think they are in a physical relationship but despite his reassurances I can t let go of what might have been shared about me and feel a deep sense of betrayal How can I move forward Suspicious in Washington Dear Suspicious What the bartender and your husband are doing is inappropriate It might be worthwhile to ask her employer whether there are any rules about their staff socializing with patrons outside the establishment As to your lack of trust in your flirtatious husband under these circumstances it is understandable Marriage counseling may help to repair your relationship Offer him the option of going with you and if he refuses go alone Dear Abby I have been working with a personal trainer for a year who just gave me the bad news that he may be leaving soon for a promotion in Chicago I m happy he s so motivated and hardworking but I have grown to adore him I feel like we re connected Lately when I think about his leaving it almost makes me cry He s so kind protective funny and sweet to me He mentioned in one of our first sessions that he was attracted to me He tells me I m beautiful and it makes me smile If he moves away it will leave a hole in my heart I feel like he s forgetting everything we have shared I text him but don t want to be a pest Should I tell him how I feel before it s too late Does it seem clingy How do I know he feels the same way about me without making myself look like a fool Worked Up in Phoenix Dear Worked Up You wrote that your trainer explained he may be moving to Chicago How definite is it Forgive me if this seems harsh but if your feelings are reciprocated your trainer would invite you to move to Chicago with him or at least find time to see you outside of your paid sessions If you think it would help to express your feelings for him say so It s a huge compliment and he should regard it as such I don t think you have anything to lose by being honest Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA