Dear Abby: Once-fit son is letting himself go

Dear Abby Our -year-old son Ed was clean-cut into working out and staying healthy watched his diet he even joined a gym and was going every week Ed has been dating a girl Emily who is the complete opposite She s apparently a hundred pounds overweight She s also dirty when she comes here there have been days she doesn t take a shower Twice I have revealed Emily s lingerie on the floor Last week she left a pair of her panties on the bathroom floor I revealed Ed and recounted him that was the SECOND time I had discovered her underwear the first time I didn t say anything I stated You have to talk to Emily and tell her not to leave her underwear laying around I see a change in Ed My son hasn t cut his hair in years and he no longer appears to be as into working out This is not who we are as a family My husband and I are fit for our ages s and by all standards clean and orderly Should I say anything to Ed I feel like Emily is changing who he is Not the Same in the East Dear Not the Same Please stop blaming Emily for the changes you have observed Your son is making those changes himself Although his girlfriend appears to be ignorant about basic hygiene I am not sure you are the parent who should discuss this with Ed He might be less defensive if the talk comes from his father man to man I am unclear if your son still lives in the home with you or if he and his girlfriend have a place of their own If it s the former you would certainly be within your rights to point out that you have a hamper for soiled clothes and to please use it If they live separately consider gifting them one for their place Dear Abby My husband passed away three years ago We were married for years Four months prior to our large California Catholic wedding we eloped and were married secretly in Las Vegas No one ever discovered out Coming from a Hispanic family my father wouldn t have been receptive so we announced nothing In retrospect it was a stupid thing to do I was only and he was When he retired from law enforcement we relocated to Washington where I still live I have two adult daughters and I m wondering if this is something they need to know I still have our Las Vegas marriage certificate along with our California marriage certificate the one we inevitably celebrated as our anniversary date Would it be wrong to tear up the Las Vegas certificate and take this secret to my grave Wondering in Washington Dear Wondering I don t think an elopement between a young couple who are deeply in love is anything to be ashamed of Nor do I think your love story is at all stupid As long as they hurt no one folks are entitled to a inadequate secrets If you wish to take this one to your grave it s your privilege and you will get no argument from me I would however point out that because your first marriage license is a legal document rather than destroy it keep it under lock and key until you have left this earthly toil Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA