Harriette Cole: I keep replaying this distressing moment from my wedding

DEAR HARRIETTE I got married in the past few days and while the day was beautiful overall I can t stop thinking about something that really upset me My cousin established up late to the ceremony Related Articles Harriette Cole My friend laughed off the blunder but it stung to realize how people see me Harriette Cole Are you kidding me The wife who wants to date doesn t deserve sympathy Harriette Cole My cousin inferred his wife s lies about me Harriette Cole My friend is getting odd texts and she says I need to intervene Harriette Cole He says he wasn t himself on our disastrous first date Must I give him another chance I had already started walking down the aisle when my cousin came rushing in wearing a flashy attention-grabbing dress heels clicking loudly on the floor making a big scene trying to find a seat Heads turned The moment that was supposed to be focused on my husband and me was totally disrupted To make matters worse she didn t seem the least bit apologetic At the reception she acted like nothing had happened and even made jokes about how everyone noticed her entrance I ve tried to let it go but I keep replaying the moment and feeling like it was selfish and disrespectful My family says not to make a big deal out of it but I m still hurt Am I overreacting Should I say something to her or just move on Bad Manners DEAR BAD MANNERS My guess is that your cousin is single and jealous of you and your marriage You can t do anything to change that Pivot instead and focus on your new life Recognize the gift of love and connection you have with your spouse and allow that to fill any of the tender spaces including her disrespect If the two of you are together and her behavior comes up naturally or you feel the urge to say something to her privately do so with love Let her know she hurt your feelings by disrupting your wedding Make sure she understands what she should have done in that situation so that she doesn t disrupt any future ceremonies DEAR HARRIETTE My sister and I have inevitably been close but lately things have become tense between us and it s all because of our kids Her son and my daughter go to the same school and are in the same grade In recent times they ve been having a lot of problems getting along There s been name-calling rumors and a couple of arguments that the teachers had to step in to settle Instead of us being able to talk it out calmly as parents it s turned into a blame event She thinks my daughter is being dramatic and oversensitive and I feel like her son is being mean and instigating a lot of the conflict Every time we try to discuss it we end up getting defensive and hurt I hate that this is driving a wedge between us but I also need to advocate for my child How can we put our relationship first while still handling the situation with our kids in a healthy and productive way Big Rift DEAR BIG RIFT Now is the time to put your children first You need to figure out the reason for the conflict between them Related Articles Miss Manners Should I menace insulting my neighbor by being blunt about her dog Dear Abby I was accused on intruding on my friend s vacation Asking Eric I m a bad friend Maybe I shouldn t be her friend at all Harriette Cole My friend laughed off the blunder but it stung to realize how people see me Miss Manners Strangers want to take our photo and they re bugged when I say no Talk to the educator and school counselor to gain any insight Did something happen to trigger this behavior If there is any way that they can be put into different classes ask for that Separation may help them Get counseling for your child a professional who may be able to talk to your daughter about what s going on and get to the bottom of it Tell your sister that you love her and don t want to fight Recommend that rather than the two of you blaming anyone for anything you work together to discover what is causing all of this tension between your children Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO