Harriette Cole: She thinks her kids are so much better than mine

DEAR HARRIETTE My sister and I have perpetually been close but lately our relationship has been feeling strained and I think it has a lot to do with how she constantly compares our kids Related Articles Harriette Cole I appealed my boyfriend where he was going with no shirt on Harriette Cole I want to make the majority of of my summer abroad Do I need to warn my boyfriend Harriette Cole I accidentally let slip my friend s happy news and she s furious with me Harriette Cole My employee was so nasty toward me that I m not going to pay her Harriette Cole It s overwhelming to be the productive sibling Every time we re together she makes comments about how much more advanced her daughter is or how her son is better behaved She ll say things like Well mine was already reading at that age or Maybe you should try what we do it seems to work Sometimes it s subtle but other times it feels downright competitive At first I brushed off her comments because I thought she was just proud of her children and maybe didn t realize how her words were coming across Over time it s really started to wear on me I find myself dreading family gatherings or holding back updates about my own kids because I know it will lead to various kind of comparison or judgment I want to talk to my sister about it but I m afraid that if I bring it up she ll get defensive or accuse me of being overly sensitive How can I ask her to stop making these comparisons Stop the Comparisons DEAR STOP THE COMPARISONS Were the two of you competitive when you were children Is there any competition between you nowadays If so consider what your life was like before and if any of this behavior is reminiscent of the past Either way tell your sister you need to talk to her Bring up your concerns Describe what happens when you are together Give her a couple of examples of how she talks about the children and how it makes you feel Explain that you are beginning to feel uncomfortable talking about your children in her presence given how she engages around them Ask her to stop with the comparisons and love the children for who they are DEAR HARRIETTE My best friend Pam doesn t believe in marriage She grew up with single parents and I think that had an impact on her view of long-term committed relationships That s fair For as long as I ve known her though she pokes fun at or bullies people who have more traditional values That s not fair A new friend of ours Amy who is younger and a tad impressionable prefers to date with the goal of marriage and a family in mind She dates only one person at a time and takes it seriously The other day Pam requested why Amy refuses to date more people and if she thinks subjecting herself to one person is what will change her life Related Articles Miss Manners I gave my neighbor treats and got a rude phone call in return Dear Abby My husband secretly invited his new buddy to our house Asking Eric We didn t have a fight but I haven t seen my boyfriend in months Harriette Cole I demanded my boyfriend where he was going with no shirt on Miss Manners She threatened to call the cops on me in church Later I explained Pam that she s way too critical of people s choices when it comes to dating and marriage and she did not take it well How can I get through to her Strong Opinions DEAR STRONG OPINIONS Have a sit-down with Pam and tell her you have bitten your tongue about this topic but you need to address it head-on She is entitled to her way of living just as others are You find it rude and sometimes mean to belittle people for having different views about relationships Ask her to stop especially with this impressionable young woman Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO